I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
