You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
