This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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