you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
