Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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