i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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