i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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