My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
