I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
