I heard we made out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
