At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
