the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
