i jhust puked up my retainher.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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