She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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