Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize