Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
