I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
