I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
