I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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