no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
