Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
