i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
