he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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