Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
