Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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