i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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