the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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