A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are the jesus of drinking
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
