Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
