All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize