Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
