new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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