My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
