I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
