I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
