When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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