...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
