so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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