using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
