As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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