so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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