i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
