Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize