so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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