i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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