not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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