This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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