She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
