She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
