"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
