I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
