You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
