big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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