White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
