I want to have your abortion
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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