mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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