Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
