i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A+ Viking dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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