I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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