Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
