idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
no, he came in my armpit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
