I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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