we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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