were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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