So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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