if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
