you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
