moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
